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Dr. Kirk Honda says that especially in early stages of a relationship, when we search for indications of love, we are looking for a tendency towards us when it comes to share vulnerability, a tendency that sets us apart from others. If he loves me, he would want to share sadness, joy, hurt, affection, worry with me first, these vulnerabilities gravitate towards me.
Source: Love Is Blind S9 #47 - Therapist Reacts
Related
- Later in the series, he says that later on in a relationship, we feel loved when we know that someone (whether a friend, a family member, a romantic partner) thinks about us and prioritizes our welfare. LIB S9#49 w/ KH
- Brené Brown says that a hard truth to accept is that we cannot love someone more than how much we love ourselves. We might have more positive, loving feelings towards someone than towards ourselves. But love ultimately manifests in acts. And if we act negatively towards ourselves, we take away from people around us too, we hurt them, we teach our younglings bad examples, etc.
- Mother Theresa advised to first love those who are the closest to us (it’s easier to love someone from afar, but more impactful to love someone who is close), and I can argue that we ourselves are the closest to ourselves and the hardest to love.
- “For this is the Law and the Prophets.” Mt 7.12
- Brené Brown says that a hard truth to accept is that we cannot love someone more than how much we love ourselves. We might have more positive, loving feelings towards someone than towards ourselves. But love ultimately manifests in acts. And if we act negatively towards ourselves, we take away from people around us too, we hurt them, we teach our younglings bad examples, etc.
- Would be fun to collect examples from literature and mindfully write/draft scenarios, where either this “preferential gravitation with vulnerability” is represented, or its lack creates conflict.